It may not be yellow or made of bricks but this is my yellow brick road. I’ve been on this weird, unintentional, journey this year. Trust me, I did not, willingly, buy tickets for this adventure, simply came to the right place at the right time and WA-BAHM!
Freshman Year of College is OVER! Holly f***ing shit and excuse me they told me this was going to be hard? Okay okay *knocks on wood* I don’t really want it to get harder, It’s a challenge all on its own.
I went into my freshman year of college in something that I vowed to never be apart of, and that was a high school relationship. You all (a total number of zero) knew her as my hufflepuff (I haven’t written that in so long I don’t remember how to spell it lol) Don’t get me wrong, I loved her and certainly do not regret the slytherpuff relationship, even with all its complications and certifiably insanely complicated emotions, but I simply find it ironic. I didn’t want that, yet it happened and at the time it was wondrous. But all roads come to a cross roads and that relationship did and it ended and I traveled further into my first semester wondering if that was it. Wishing, hoping and denying. Then the semester ended and I did splendidly (3.2! Holy shiz, right?) and then Christmas break happened.
Now there is probably a few posts floating around on here, in my head, in my written journals, about what happened, right. Well…It started off with confessions on skype at midnight that lasted until 3 am. Similar feelings, regrets, forgive me’s, words words words. Then I turned around and woke up at 6 am (as if I were back in high school) and visited my old school. Now, I know I didn’t write about him alot. Him equaling Will. I don’t remember if I told you or explained to you why Will has no nick name. Simple…he’s Will. Hell that’s my explanation for him in general. Well….Will was there for me when the hufflepuff ended things the first time and he and I had expressed interest and likes and it was a big thing that I was going to see him. And…it was.
Flirting like hell, more open and prominent then it ever was before, because now…now there was no reason not to hide it behind an animosity that was never really there. Man I left Crockett that day so flipping confused but certainly not as bad as the next day (I know right…why didn’t I learn my lesson? Duh, stubbornness) The next day he kissed me. My first kiss from a guy went to the guy who when I met him the very fist time I told him to “go the hell away or I will make your life hell.” Obviously he didn’t listen….nor did I. See? Stubbornness!
Well…yeah he kissed me and then I turned right around the very same day and established a quasi relationship with the hufflepuff that wasn’t made official until the day the world was supposed to end. Can you see where I went wrong? Again, not a regret, simply pointing out the flaw in my logic at that fogged brained moment. We were told that we probably shouldn’t have tried this but….that’s right, you guessed it. Stubbornness strikes again, rearing its stubbornly strange head. And we did anyways. It was beautiful but…honestly…I knew it. I mean I am a hell of a lot smarter then my stupid actions make me out to be some times. I see things, I just choose to ignore them.
What was that I was told when I was walking to school in the dark in the mornings? Be aware of my surroundings? I am, I just choose to ignore them on my journey sometimes. All in all things ended between the shepuff and I. (That was a comic but nice jab at my ex hufflepuff don’t worry guys this slytherin already voiced her jabs at our very verbal break up.) (Again on that note this third break up was probably…the best and the worst I have to say. The first one I didn’t really understand and was simply fine with leaving with out an explanation, the second one was pathetic because I begged and well…this last one….we…well I know I did…exploded. Pent up anger, sadness, remorse, regret….hurt….it all came out. With each jab we sent at each other, though mine were a bit more venomous then hers (I’m a slytherin after all) it just all came to blows….it ended. Finally.) wow that was a big digression. See…even with my words, they fallow a road of their own. Where was I…..?
Ah, yes. The slytherpuff, reborn for only a little while went into hiding before it…honestly I don’t know whats to come of the slytherpuff. But I can safely say that that winding road that seemed to continuously come back around to the safe effing cross roads….has finally stopped. And I think i’ve stumbled upon being myself as I journey this road.
For one, I wont be ashamed to talk about SEX. Its human, normal, physical, emotional, and beautiful. I love learning about it and doing it. (haven’t in a while but the right person will come along.) Basically history of sexuality this semester has been wonderfully informational and I simply can not wait to learn more.
My journey brought me to this awesomely awesome guy who is my sassy bear. He’s adorable. And bakes the best flipping cookie ice scream sandwiches ever.
Oh! I bet your wondering what about Will? Well…we didn’t talk while I was with my hufflepuff….honestly its because I wasn’t sure if I could have kept myself from flirting with him. I probably wouldn’t have and things would have been awkward. But we did start talking again, and things went from…..innocent to hell-a dangerous fast. He currently refers to me as baby and I call him babe….Thats kind of in limbo right now. He leaves on the 17th of June. I don’t want to wait for something that I’m not even sure of. So why start something? I wanna kiss him still though…or I did. Not sure. Its all in Limbo. My winding path has brought me to his cross roads, as well as another, and…..I’m kind of interested in just playing around.
I’ve finished my second semester, I’ve cried so flipping much, I’ve been emotional out of the wazoo but….Hell….I wouldn’t have my freshman year be any other way. I had an amazing TA this semester. He’s pagan and he’s a sculptor. He sparked an interest in me. That first project that was due the weekend I ended things with the shepuff….that was the beginning of my healing. It was a self portrait and….trust me that wire might bend itself into the shape of my face but….it portrays so much more. The emotions of that weekend live with in those curves that make up my hair. He saw this, and he guieded me forward. Challenging me where it was needed. My final project was a book made out of cloth and stuffing. The middle page is frozen in motion, on the left side of the book the page is filled with a tree and the leaves on the tree made up me. fabrics in my favorite colors, with prints that tied to my grandmother, and my child hood in ways that i didn’t even realize until i presented this soft sculpture to the class.
The branches trickled over to the left side of the middle page and the left side of the book and remained bare. Because I have yet to grow them, see them, experience them on my journey down my not so yellow brick road.
Bring it on summer, bring it on men and women, the experienced and the inexperienced I’m ready, I’ve got me some ruby slippers that will help me skip my phat ass down this not so yellow brick road on this epic adventure that is college. I’ve made it this far, I’m not turning back any time soon.
little brooding wolf
woof woof woof
Top 100 Most Beautiful Men
78. Kris Holden-Ried
Disclaimer: This list is my own personal list and does not reflect the views of the public.
Click here to follow for the rest of the top 100 men and later the top 100 women.
Something I’ve never noticed before:
Snape not only deflects McGonagall’s attack but uses it to take down Alecto and Amycus in a single armwave behind his visual field. Like they both had their wands out too but BOY they did not see that coming. Snape knew that he needed to get rid of them before being driven out of the castle so that they wouldn’t harm any of the students GOD what a badass motherfucker
I ddnt need my heart anyway
Always reblog Freddie Mercury in drag.
The perfection that is Rachel Skarsten.